“The Push to do better
Comes from within”
Or does it?
Here I am, quietly sitting in my room
Checking the latest on WhatsApp
When my mother walks in
She sits on the edge of my bed.
“Do you know…” she begins
“…that mama James’ son
has traveled abroad?”
I nod my head slowly
Knowing there is more to be said
“James is now abroad
and he will come back with
plenty money to take care of his mother”
She folds her hands dramatically
Walls to the door
Pauses
And faces me again
“You’d better not waste your life doing rubbish!
You must do better”
Finally she exits and leaves me to my thoughts
And my mind is once again
Troubled like a sea during a storm
“I have to do better”
The words of my mother
Ring repeatedly in my head
And it has become my life mantra.
“I have to do better”

I have come to realize
That the push to do better
Often comes from pressures
We feel outside
From our parents, teachers, society
The push to do better
Is basically our fear
Out fear of disappointing
The expectations we place on ourselves
Which are birthed
From what we think the society expects
From us

“I have to do better ”
It resounds so loudly in my head
That I do not acknowledge what I have already acheived
As any form of success
It’s like a neverending race
Without a finish line in sight
“You built a house?”
“Your mates have built three”
“You just got married?”
“Your mates have had children ”
It’s all this evil comparisons

Yes, I have to do better
But this push to do better
Will come from within
That is, my desire to be successful
On my own terms
My desire to self actualize
My desire to pursue my dreams
My desire to discover and fulfill my life purpose
Not what the society desires
My push to do better comes from within.
© Warrior Queen, 2023

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